Noch eine TNG Lost Episode Dank an Marcus Becker, mein... mein... der Sohn vom Bruder meiner Mutter ist was? Ach, Verwandtschaft halt! ;-)

Stardate 46921,8: Irgendwo in den unendlichen Weiten des Weltalls dreht die Enterprise D ihre Runden auf der Suche nach dem ultimativen Schwachsinn... Diese Episode können Sie nicht im Briefingroom der Paramount-Studios finden. Sie wurde uns aus geheimen Quellen zugespielt und enthält nur die reine Wahrheit und nichts als die Wahrheit.

(Veröffentlicht mit freundlicher Genehmigung von Marcus Becker, dem Autor an meiner Seite bei diesem... hmm... Drehbuch??)

Scene I

The Main Bridge

Picard, Riker, Worf, Data and Troi (whose uniform has spots of chocolate) as well as some other useless persons.
Computer noises.
Worf: Sir, Captain, unknown vessel approaching from Subspace...! Hitting display... or maybe somewhere else...!
Picard: Send hailing messages in all known languages!
Several computer noises while Worf is sending the message.
Worf: Sir, Captain, Sir, no response, Sir, Captain!
Picard to Data: What do your sensors show, Data?
Data: It's a very small vessel capable of warp-speed... and it has a pink spot on it! Just like the nipples of my cat!
Picard to himself: Oh, Data, I like your sensible way of interpreting such situations! To Data Good!
Picard maneuver.
Data: The hull-integrity of the vessel is failing. And there is a life form on board!
Picard: Transporter Room one: Beam the life form aboard!
Worf: Captain, Sir, Captain! It might be dangerous!! We should destroy it... Sir!
Picard: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... etc. Security: Send two persons two transporter room one. Number One, follow me!
Riker: Oh, thanks, Bwana!! Shuffles on his knees.
Troi: Oh, Cmdr. Riker, I think we'll need another session in our therapy group tomorrow!
Riker ignores her with a smile, engaged in throwing rose leaves in front of Picards feet, dances toward the turbo lift and sings in (very) high voice...

Scene II

Transporter Room One

O'Brien and two Security Officers. Riker and Picard. Bev Crusher.
Door opens: Pffftsch!
Riker dances in, clicking with castanets: And now, announcing the Captain of the Captains:...
Picard entering, too: Oh, shut up, you bloody fairy!!
Riker: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Master!!
Picard to himself: Ts, ts, ts, what a senseless waste of human life. I think I might need a therapy, too. To O'Brien: Beam it... Wondering:What the hell are you doing here? I Thought you went to DS9?
O'Brien: Oh, there were no other persons left for this scene...
Picard a little confused: Oh, well, then beam it aboard!
Transporter noise (Dwiiinng!) A bucket full of jelly-like transparent green something appears on the platform...
Picard: My God! What's that?
Riker: It's a bucket, bwana!
Picard, jumping around, waving his arms through the air, screams at Riker: We won't sleep in one bed any more if you don't stop talking like this. To the camera: You didn't hear this, did you?
Riker retards very scared, crying quietly:Please, don't oppress me! Leaving: If you need me you know where to find me.
Picard to O'Brien: Oh, he's going to dry up Ten Forward and I'll have to wipe up his puke. Clapping hands: Well, what should we do with this bucket?
O'Brien: How about calling the doctor, Sir?
Picard, tipping his communicator: Picard to Dr. Crusher. I have something for you. Could you come to transporter room one, please?
Crusher, entering at once, her red hair is ruffled: Whoo, that turbo lift... Yes, Jean-Luc?
Picard Don't call me by my first name when I'm on duty! Like I said before - just two seconds before you came in - I have something for you.
Crusher: Oh, Jean-Luc, darling, you remembered my birthday...
Picard: Hmpf!? It's not as sentimental as you might think. Shows her the bucket.
Crusher: Oh, isn't it CUTE!!
Picard: What? Oh, oh, yes, it is, is it not? And it's two in one, you know: It is an alien life form you've got to examine, but it is also a birthday present for you!
Crusher: Oh, thank you. Kiss kiss! I'll take it to sick-bay. Leaving the transporter room.
Picard, wiping the sweat from his very large forehead, to the camera: Phew! Well, that was luck! Picard maneuver.

Scene III

Deanna Troi's Quarters

Troi (with spots of chocolate on her night dress).
Deanna is lying in bed with her cooling mask around her eyes (because of the wrinkles), dreaming and snoring. She is preparing for a nightmare. She dreams of the jelly-like alien life form and also of two huge antlers of an moose. She feels a strange power, an intelligent existence on board the ship. She awakes with a scream!
Troi: ARGHH! Gets up, moves herself to the replicator: Computer, terillian mousse au chocolate!
Mousse appears in the replicator. Deanna leans down into her rocking-chair and begins to munch the mousse. Thinking about her nightmare she unconsciously recreates the moose antlers she had seen in her dream, based upon the mousse au chocolate. As she realizes, what she has done, she is very shocked and bumps from the chair: That makes a funny noise!
Troi: Ouch! She crawls on the floor, stands up at the door and leaves her quarters.

Scene IV

Sick Bay / Crushers Office

Crusher, Ogawa and a strange being. Troi. Data.
Crusher is operating a life form at the main operation table. The audience only can see two big chicken legs which are coming out of the diagnostic equipment above the table. Crusher is very busy. Sometimes one can hear the sound of horrifying instruments (Bleck & Decker).
Troi enters very hastily: Bev, Bev, I had a really strange nightmare!
Crusher: Oh, nurse Ogawa, darling, could you please finish this?
Ogawa with a helpless look: What?
But Crusher ignores her and leaves her alone with the oversized XXL-chicken. To Troi: Always the same story with him: Chicken Pox.
Ogawa looks at the chicken: Looks like Pearl Harbour in there!!!
Crusher holds a big butcher's knife in her hand and leaves sick bay toward her office with Troi: What's the matter, darling?
Troi: Oh, nothing... could you please... put down the knife?
Crusher: Of course, darling! Manicures her nails and then throws it over her shoulder. It hits the dart board in sick bay right in the middle. She turns around, shouting: Strike!!!
Both going to Crushers Office:
Troi: I had this terrible dream last night, few minutes ago!
Crusher: Tell me about it, darling!
Troi: First there was this ugly green glibbery wet slimy something and than the huge moose antlers appeared.
Crusher: Oh, the green slimy thing you mentioned, did it look like this? Picks up the bucket from the floor, putting it onto the desk.
Troi: ARGH!! Bumps from the chair. This makes a funny noise! From the floor: Yes, it's it!
Crusher: Hmm! That's amazing! We should examine this!
Troi: What could it be?
Crusher: In my opinion it might be a jelly-like darling, darling!
Troi: No, I thought: What this dream could mean.
Crusher: Darling! Certainly there is a rational explanation for this event.
Data looking through the door, knocking and saying: Knock knock! Look at this, Doctor. ...Counsellor? Puts huge moose antlers on his head. I found this in an old data base about the Norwegian culture of the late 9^th century! Isn't it interesting?
Troi: ARGH! sits on the floor and jumps under Crushers desk, hitting her head against the chair. This makes a funny noise! She collapses. This makes a funny noise, too!
Crusher: DATA! What are you doing??
Data pausing, calculating some mathematic stuff, investigating, moving his eyes from one side to the other:I am afraid to say that I really do not know! Hmm! This happens the first time!
Crusher applies a hypospray to Deanna (This makes a funny noise: Pfft!)
Crusher: I think there is more about this than we already know. We should go to engineering to analyse the situation.
One can hear nurse Ogawa yelling:Bloody shit! Banzai!!

Scene V

Ten Forward

Crusher, Troi, Guinan and some other people, among them Wesley.
Crusher invites Troi to a (heavy) drink.
Crusher shouts on knocks on the table: Anybody at work here? We're thirsty!
Guinan from very deep down under the bar between some bottles: One moment, please!
Troi to Crusher: Oh, I can't stand it any longer! It's so intense. Everything reminds me of my dream. Looks around.
Crusher: Oh, darling! It's not as dramatic as you...
Guinan rises behind the bar with a bright smile. She wears a very strange moose-antlers-shaped hat.
Crusher: OI! Grabs Troi's arm: Oh, look there, this wonderful star behind the window!
Troi: What are you talking about? Stars always look the same here in space.
Crusher: No, no, I exactly mean this red one over there!
Troi, not very interested: Yes, sure! Wants to turn back to the bar.
Crusher changes her tactics, turns her around a second time: Oh, look at this cute little ensign! Isn't he sexy?
Troi, very astonished! That's your son!
Crusher: Oh, damn, it's so dark in here!
Troi, finally turning around, does not notice Guinan: One bottle of syntohol... no, wait, gimme the real stuff! Looks at Guinan: ARGH!Bumps off the chair. This makes a funny noise!
Guinan, shocked: What's going on, my dear??
Troi: I AM NOT YOUR DEER!! Runs from Ten Forward, screaming.
Crusher: I'm going to catch her; excuse me. Similes at Guinan.

Scene VI

Captains Ready Room

Picard and Riker. Troi. Crusher. La Forge.
Riker and Picard are "talking" about private affairs.
Riker: ... and so I said to him: Make it yourself, bunzi!
Picard, slightly amused: ... ha... ha... ha... chrchts... ha...!
A funny noise from the door: BUMP!
Troi: Ouch!
Picard: Come in!
Troi enters, holding her breasts, looks at the door. Door is closing!
Troi: By the way, your door has to be repaired, Sir.
Another (funny) noise from the door: BUMP!
Crusher: Ouch! Enters the room. Holding her nose. By the way...
Picard: I know, I know!
Troi: Oh, Captain, my Captain! Something strange is going on here.
Picard: Are you sure?
Riker: Hey, that's my text!!!
Picard: Oh, come on, go and epilate your legs for me!
Riker, leaving room. BUMP! Ouch!Leaves the room, jumping while holding his right foot.
Troi to Picard: Sure I'm sure! I am convinced that an alien force is present on this ship, and that must not be the jelly-like life form in sick bay.
Crusher: We should continue to examine this phenomenon some more. I sent it down to Geordi, he has already begun.
Picard: Picard to LaForge: Please come to my Ready Room!
LaForge: Aye, Sir! He stands outside the door within one second, wants to enter. BUMP! Ouch! He enters the room holding his balls and speaking in very high voice: I'll check this, sir!
Picard: Yes, sure, but not now. We have a more important problem than population-decreasing-doors!

Scene VII

Main Engineering

Crusher, Picard, Troi and LaForge. Data. Four Security Officers (Sec. 1 to 4).
The bucket full of jelly-like something is situated in an electro magnetic force field. The Dr., Troi, Data and Picard are there standing around the levitated bucket. Geordi is sitting at the computers in the room next to the Warp Reactor. Next to him there is an old farmer's cupboard, European style, late 19th century (Irritating, isn't it?)
Crusher: The tricorder shows no reaction coming form the life form. It seems to be in coma or something like this...
Picard: Do you feel something, Counsellor?
Troi: Oh, I feel PAIN! ... and AGONY!!
Picard: What can we conclude from this?
Troi: It's time for me to go to the lavatory! Running out of engineering, shouting: TOO LATE!
Crusher to Picard: It seems she's a little bit under pressure!
Picard: I think, now she isn't any longer...
Troi from the corridor: If I only had pissed into the Jeffrei's-Tube!
Data comes from the same corridor, still with his moose antlers on his head, looking back: Have you seen that? What a mess; if I had any feelings I would say: What a pity! But as it is I think it is fascinating! Gets stuck in some glass fibre cables hanging from the ceiling with his moose antlers and pulls them out while he walks on!
Picard: Yes, Data...
LaForge comes out of the room next to the warp core. To Data: Hello, old friend! Hits his head on the cupboard. That makes a funny noise! BUMP! Ouch!
Data hails back by rising his hand, getting stuck in the glass fibre cables attached to his moose antlers:Oh, this seems to be a problem.
Picard: Oh, Data, go and eat an apple cake!
Data: What?? Oh, yes, I'll go to my quarters for self-analysing mode. While leaving he pulls the cables behind him on the floor, pulling Picard from his feet! This makes a funny noise! BUMP!
Picard: Ouch!
Meanwhile in the background: LaForge is trying to find what he hit like a blind person does. He obviously can't see the cupboard. He stands up, because he can't find anything, shrugs his shoulder, starts to walk again and hits the cupboard (again). BUMP! That makes a funny noise!
LaForge: Ouch!
Picard analyses the situation: Something's different. Have you moved your furniture, Geordi?
LaForge: What furniture?
Picard: Well, this old farmer's cupboard, I thought, it was standing in this corner... one moment! What the hell is going on here? Where does this cupboard come from? Looks like the one my grand-mére used to have in her bedroom...
LaForge: What cupboard? I can see no cupboard!
Crusher rushes to the cupboard, examining it with the tricorder: There is something in it, but the whole thing is out of the frequency band of the tricorder, that's why LaForge can't see it!
LaForge: Whadda ya talkin' 'bout, man??(His hair looks like Bob Marley's, he wears a "Free Africa!" T-shirt)
Picard: Let me see, what's in there!Opens the door (invisible to the audience). A green light comes out of the cupboard: Mon dieux!! Bangs the door: Picard to Security: Send a few persons to carry a cupboard!
At once the turbo lift door opens and four Security Officers enter.
Picard: Take this cupboard to a laboratory!
Sec. 1: Which one? There are so many.
Picard: Well, somewhere, where one can find it later!
Sec. 1: Aye, Sir!
Picard to LaForge: I think it might be better for you to take a small vacation on the holodeck!
LaForge: Yo, man, aye, Sir!

Scene VIII

In the Corridor Somewhere Near the Laboratory

Troi (with new uniform, spotty with chocolate as well as the last one), four Security Officers (Sec. 1 to 4) and the Elk. Voice from the off.
The audience can see the cupboard lying on the floor and a green elk is escaping fast through the corridors. Deanna Troi comes her way and sees the situation consisting of four Security Officers lying on the floor together with the cupboard and a green elk running away.
Troi gasps and runs to one of the Security Officers:What has happened??
Sec. 1: Oh, my head! Cupboard... ARGH! ... opened... green! Green! Green!
Troi: What is green?
Sec. 1: Is this a trick question? Faints.
Troi: Troi to Crusher: Emergency on deck... shit! They all look the same to me! Deck 24!? Troi to Security: Here is a green elk! Catch it! Catch the green elk!
Voice from the off: Why don't you call an exterminator?

Scene IIX

In Front Of The Turbo Lift / Turbo Lift / The Main Bridge

Data, Picard, Wesley Crusher. Computer. The elk and the rest of the Command Staff except Troi, Crusher and Riker. Troi and Crusher. Paul McCartney. Riker.
Data, Picard, Wesley Crusher waiting for the lift.
Wesley: ... and so I calculated the Rydberg-constant, with a value of 1.096x10⁷ per meter.
Data: And from this you can get the frequency of the visible spectral lines, if...
Picard in his thoughts: Oh, my God! Take the pain of from me!
Wesley: ... if you put 3 to 6 for n into the formula !
Picard: SHUT UP! Both of you! Feeling relieved:Ahhh! Later: Please excuse, but...
The door opens: Pfft. They want to get in, but:
Picard: What's that?
Data kneels down to examine what they've found:It looks like... sniffs. ...sniff-sniff: ELKDROPPINGS, Sir! Fascinating!!
Wesley: It must be somewhere around here!
Picard: Nevertheless we must get to the bridge.
They all get in, the elk is "sitting" (hanging) above their head, but they don't see it. (Reminds me of some other movie!)
Picard: Computer: Main Bridge.
Computer makes funny noises: Dibbeldidip! The lift starts.
Data: I wonder where this elk could be.
Elk: Hatschi! Sniff! Oops!
Data: Bless you!
Elk: Thanx! Oops!
Short pause.
Picard: Something's really strange here!!
The door opens: Wush! The elk jumps out of the lift and runs out onto the Bridge:
Elk: Rööööhhhhrrr! Runs in direction of Worf, who is standing at the Tactical Console.
Picard: Attention, Worf!
Worf jumps over the Tactical Console into Picards seat. This makes a funny noise! BUMP!
Elk: Röööööhhhrrrr!Runs toward the Officers Lounge and gets stuck in the door.
Meanwhile on the Bridge: Troi and Crusher also reach the Bridge with the other Turbo Lift. Worf hangs upside down in the Captain's seat. He's talking in wildest War Klingon about his (human) mother. The other present officers - at the top of the group Captain Picard - running towards the Officers Lounge but the butt of the elk is between the doors, which constantly goes "Pfft... Pfft... Pfft..." etc. The group stops. Crusher turns, runs to Worf and tries to pull him out of the seat.
Worf (in War Klingon, subtitle in English):Don't pull in this place, Mamma Rochenkow!
Crusher: Oh, sorry... Help, I need somebody, help, now just anybody...!
Paul McCartney enters the set with a bright smile from one ear to the other.
Paul: No, not just anybody! It's me!!
Crusher: OK, OK, you'll take his right foot, and I'll push his head. Try it from above the Tactical Console. I'll count to three, then you must pull! One, two...
Paul pulls too early. This makes a funny noise! (SQUEAK!!)
Worf (in War Klingon, subtitle in English):Ouch!
Crusher: What did I tell you??
Paul: Sorry, Doc!
Crusher: Ok, second try!
Paul: One moment: One, two and three or one, two, three and then???
Big sign above Paul's head, blinking in red neon-letters: STOLEN!!
Crusher: The last! One, two, three, and...
Both pulling and pushing and are unable to move him.
Paul: He's so heavy! One moment! I've got an idea: I'll push his legs over the console and you'll try to catch him! One, two, three...
Crusher: NO! WAI ...!!!
WUMP!! Crusher leis under the fallen Klingon, both are unconscious.
Paul: Ups! Sneaks from the bridge.
Riker enters the bridge, wearing a pink silk kimono and cotton balls between his wet painted toe nails, sighing: Jean-Luc!?Sees the situation: Argh!
Picard: Didn't I tell you to stay in my quarters 'till I'm out of duty. Oh, Dr. Crusher, what the hell are you doing there?
Crusher: humph!!
Picard: Oh, I understand! But not on the bridge!!
Troi sees Worf and Crusher in their obviously embarrassing situation. Goes there and tries to pull him away from Crusher, shouting and yelling: He's mine!! He's MINE!!! Take your hand off him!!!! They begin to struggle.
Data leaves the bridge for the laboratory.

Scene IX

The Laboratory

20 Vikings. Data. Computer.
The old farmer's cupboard stands in the centre of the room. The doors slowly open and the head of one Viking looks around.
Eric, whispering into the cupboard: It's all clear out here. Lets go!
Another 19 Vikings come out of the cupboard, looking around, wandering.
Eric: So, this must be that Valhalla-place the old ones told us about.
Bjørn: Are you sure?
Leif: Then where are the Gods?
Per: Why should they be here in this unfriendly and dark place? Certainly they have some hanging gardens or so...
Nils: Perhaps it's the kitchen!? Look, there is something like a bottle. What's that inside?
Ole: Looks like met!
Eric: I wouldn't drink this!
Data enters, still with his hand tied to the moose antlers, wandering what happens. The Vikings flee in panic into the cupboard. That makes a funny noise!
Data irritated: Computer: What was this??
Computer: It was a horde of Vikings thinking of this place as Valhalla.
Cut to the green glimmering inside of the cupboard; especial Eric is visible, following the events outside very interested...
Per: What did he say?
Eric: Pssst!
Data comes closer to the cupboard door, knocking: Hellooo? Someone in there??
Eric: What shall I say??
Leif: Say yes!
Per: Say no!
Nils: Are you crazy? Gives him a bonk onto his helmet. BONK.
Cut to the outside.
Data: I know you're in there, I can hear you discussing!
20 Vikings from the cupboard: Psssst!!
Data, opening the door: Hello?? Sticking his head into the cupboard: I will come now!
In this moment the 20 Vikings decide to leave the cupboard very fast.
Eric: NOW!!!
All the Vikings are running out of the cupboard over Data, trampling him into the dust!
Data, very confused: No, wait!
But the horde flees through the door. Pftsh!

Scene X

The Corridor Next To The Laboratory

20 Vikings. Computer.
The Viking horde is also confused.
Ole: Nice plan, Eric! Overrunning this elk-man. It's certain now that the Gods will be very angry. And what shall we do now?
Eric: The most important thing is to find our matter-elk. Our anti-matter-elk is useless without it! And I know how: I'll try like the elk-man did it! Look and learn: Computer?
Computer makes some funny noises.
Eric: Have you seen our green matter elk?
Computer: I didn't see it, but I know it's on the main bridge.
Bjørn: Wonderful! And where is that bridge thing?
Computer: It's on deck one, but if I were you I would not dare to go there right now.
Eric: We need our elk... where are the stairs to this holy temple?
Computer: It's not a temple but you can get there by using the turbo lift. Just follow the red arrow sign!
(Eric says something unreadable - because of my handwriting in the original script)

Scene XI

The Main Bridge / Captains Ready Room

The command staff. 20 Vikings. Paul McCartney.
The set is very chaotic. The elk is still stuck in the door, Crusher and Troi are fighting and Worf tries to divide them from each other. Wesley is sitting in a corner, looking apathetically. Picard is shouting at Riker, who cries hysterically. Geordi enters the bridge, looks around, sees the scene, turns to leave the bridge, but twenty Vikings are coming out of the turbo lift and taking position, shocked by the scene... Everybody is very irritated, except the very serious commanding officers, which struggle against each other.
Bjørn to Eric: The Gods are fighting - again... now I know where the thunder comes from.
Eric: I don't believe these silly creatures are Gods!
Picard, holding Riker's kimono, shouting very intensely: SHUT UP! The whole command staff: Shut up!!With a thin voice to the Vikings: And... cough cough... who are you? Let me take a shoot in the dark: You aren't the pool cleaners, are you?
Eric steps out, very proud: No, we are Norwegian Vikings.
Picard drops Rikers kimono, which he held in his hand and goes to his ready room. Riker wearing federation underwear™ and a bra sneaks toward the turbo lift and leaves the bridge.
Riker whistling: h-hmmm!
Eric follows Picard to his ready room. Cut to the ready room.
Eric: Stop, old man! I've got to talk to you!
Picard: Oh, really?? I've got enough problems: My command staff fights each other, a green elk is stuck in the door to the officers lounge, and this strange animal spread it's droppings throughout the ship, my door is going to kill the whole crew by the time, twenty Vikings are on board my ship, my science officer thinks he's an elk, my fish is ill, my first officer is a poofter! Wiping one tear from his left eye: I think I'll quit my duty!
Eric: We can solve one of your problems...
Picard: No, no, Riker is a good commander, but sometimes a little bit booby!
Eric: All we need is our green elk. We'll take the droppings as well!
Picard bemused: What will you do with the droppings?
Eric: We'll burn them in our fusion reactor!
Paul coming from the replicator, whistling "we all live in a yellow submarine!": Hello?Holding cup a of tea.
Picard: Who are you? And, is this earl grey?
Paul: Paul is my name and yes. But I couldn't find the coin slot of this strange machine. Do you want money for it?
Picard: No, no, just leave me alone, both of you. And you: Take your elk and then piss off! Oh, wait, what's about that green slime?
Eric: Oh, just some living organic waste products, you can take it if you want. We'll go back to our cupboard now and leave your dimension. Could you beam the elk to our cupboard?
Picard: Picard to transporter room. Mr. O'Brien, beam the elk to the cupboard. Before you leave I have one question left: What do you need the elk for?
Eric: That's simple: It's our matter-elk. We have an anti-matter-elk in our cupboard. They produce enough energy to travel through space and time!

Scene XII

Ten Forward

Crusher and Troi. Guinan.
Crusher and Troi are sitting at a desk together with the bucket full of jelly-like life form.
Troi: Oh, I'm so sorry, Bev, about what happened on the Bridge!
Crusher: Oh, darling, never mind, I've got a new friend. A very satisfied look at the bucked.
Troi: Come on, is he good in bed?
Crusher: I don't know! He always sleeps in his bucket...
Troi: Could I have a bottle full of it?
Crusher: Certainly, darling! Guinan, could you bring us a bottle?
Troi: And a chocolate ice, please?

Scene XII

Animated Scene: Enterprise at the Starbase / Main Bridge

Picard. The command staff, Paul McCartney and voice from the off.
Enterprise docking at Starbase.
Picard from the off: Computerlog USS Enterprise, additional entry: We are docking at Starbase 123 to give the cupboard the chance to be examined further.
Cut to the Bridge.
Picard: Picard to O'Brien: Beam the cupboard to the starbase.
Voice from the off: Starbase command speaking: We'll take care of your cupboard and it's passengers.
Picard: So, I've got a surprise: We'll all go on vacation now.
All others together: Thank you, Captain!
Riker: So I finally can end my therapy for brown-nosing people, bwana!
Worf with neck brace: And I will look for a shiatsu therapist.
Geordi: And I can go to a barbers shop.
Paul: And what can I do??
Troi: I have an idea!

Scene XIII

Shuttle Bay

The command staff and Paul McCartney.
Picard: We have decided that you can take one of our shuttles.
Paul: Then I'll take the "Yellow Submarine".
Picard: Well, OK. Good bye...
The staff is waving. Paul starts the engines and the shuttle bay door opens.
Paul: Hey, what's that button for? Presses the button.
The Shuttle rapidly increases speed and bumps against the wall next to the door, and - finally - bumps through it. This makes some funny noises: Bump, bump, bump, crash!!
Picard: Silly, isn't it??